LawsonGroupMediation

I just received a featured blog that posed the theory that there is a difference between bluffing and good negotiation.

That statement right there indicates the author does not understand the principles, concepts, and techniques of negotiation. I have about 14 years of law enforcement experience. When I obtained my doctorate in law and went to work for a law firm, I thought, with all of that experience, that I knew almost all there was about good negotiating. After all, I arrogantly believed, I developed quite a lot of skill in talking people out of weapons, out of fighting, and into handcuffs.

However, my wise mentors insisted that I obtain proper training conferences in negotiation. I also attended, and obtained law enforcement certification in hostage negotiation. Then I obtained my training and certification in both general civil mediation and family mediation, with advanced certification in domestic violence mediation.

The result? Besides getting a good dose in humility, as good as I originally believed my skills were, I discovered that there are research-proven techniques in both mediating and negotiating. Those techniques are counter-intuitive. That means that using good common sense and with a lot of experience, a person will not gain those skills.

Because they are counter-intuitive, training is required. Then that training must be internalized. Once internalized, the concepts must be practiced and honed into skills. Trained attorney mediators utilize the skills common to both mediation and negotiation. If they use their training, they are very effective. The problem is that I have been seeing mediators turn away from their training and return to the old system of pressuring for compromise. Why? Because it is faster than the proper methods.

The U.S. government gave a grant to the Harvard Negotiation Project to study conflict and develop systems, methods, and techniques for resolving conflict or negotiating toward specific goals and objectives. The result was a new system that the State Department used to resolve the Israeli-Egyption war. That system since then has been promulgated in negotiation and mediation training and refined.

These concepts are utilized by law firms across the nation to negotiate case, and by billion dollar corporation to negotiate contracts. People who have not received the training naturally think they can become great negotiators by out-thinking their opponents, by having something to hold over their opponent, or just by being more aggressive. Others think that just by being sweet and courteous they can use their intellect to sweet-talk people into succumbing to their personality and charm.

However, when proper training is received, they suddenly realize there is a new level of thinking, a paradigm shift to a new reality where many more possibilities open to them in negotiating. I presented the concepts and skills of negotiation in my book, Short Sales & Loan Modifications: A Practical Guide For Real Estate Agents and Investors. It is too comprehensive to teach in a blog.

There are many good training programs available and any formal training you receive in those methods and techniques will increase your negotiating ability. I encourage you before setting yourself up as a good negotiator, to obtain formal training (my book or elsewhere). Some people do not know what they don’t know, so getting educated is the best plan before getting too confident in their skills.

Most of you reading this blog have good success in negotiating, and some of you have been well-trained. I would encourage any of you who want to improve your negotiating skills to obtain that training, available in my book as well as others.

I wish you all great success in your negotiations and in businesses.

Ken Lawson, JD

TheLawsonGroup Mediation Services